Are You Ready for Commitment?

Top Ten Things to Consider Before the Big Day

1. Compatibility.  This is the single most important topic to consider when deciding if you are ready to get married and have found the right person.
   Marriage is a lifelong commitment, meaning you will be spending every single day for the rest of your being with one person. The importance of naturally getting along with one another is extremely high.
2. Conflict.  Disagreements and arguing are a natural part of any relationship. You simply must be able to resolve them in a healthy manner in order to live a long, happy life together.
3. Careers.  Discuss the importance of your careers, and how it will be handled if relocation or a job change should arise for either spouse.
4. Family planning.  Do you both want children? How many? How soon? There are several different aspects of building a family to consider, all of them need to be out in the open and agreed upon before walking down the isle.
5. Finances.  Who will take care of the bills? Will you have separate, or joint accounts? Can you agree on a budget? It is important that you start out with the same financial plans, and make sure that everything is in order.
6. Debt.  Whether it be from school loans or credit cards, debt is a part of almost everyone’s life. Make sure all of your financial obligations are out on the table, and you have agreed on a game plan to resolve them.
7. Prenuptial Agreements.  While it may be uncomfortable to bring up, it is essential that you do so. While one partner may feel it is unnecessary, the other may be struggling for a way to mention the possibility of one. Never assume your spouse shares your feelings on this topic, it must be discussed to ensure both parties are comfortable with the arrangement.
8. Religion.  In some cases, getting married means merging two entirely different religious beliefs. Discuss how this will affect your marriage. Will the opinion of family members regarding the meshing of religions interfere with your marriage? Which religion will you raise your child with? Which church will you attend?
9. Life Goals.  Getting married means a great deal of compromising on certain aspects of your life. It is important to determine how much, and where, you are willing to bend before you decide if you are ready for marriage. It is also important to determine how supportive your partner will be in helping you achieve your goals.
10. Reasons For Getting Married.  Sit down and openly discuss why you both want to get married. Is it for the right reasons? Are your minds in the right place?

Are You Man Enough for Marriage?

The last thing most guys want is a tour through the female psyche. If you are considering marriage, do it anyway. It will help you to be a better spouse and a better person.

Women are complicated creatures. They feel everything. We perform a lot of roles in the world, some being the hardest jobs there are. One of those roles is wife. You’re probably thinking “I’m not a complicated guy, what’s so hard?” Here’s the problem, we’re not used to anything being simple. We find it hard to believe that dinner and the remote are enough to keep you happy most nights. We cannot accept that meeting your friends for basketball on Saturday can mean that much to you. Sometimes we don’t know why you love us. We are hard on ourselves. We need to know why and how much you love us three times a week. We just do.

I know many men out there who don’t care to understand their partner or cater to her needs. Well, guess what you are not ready to get married then. No one is implying that this needs to go outside reasonable though. If you are engaged to an emotional black hole you can’t be expected to fill that role and you won’t, even if you spent an eternity trying. If this is the situation you face, getting married will not change that. You can try to change your behavior in the hopes that it will alter the way she approaches you. Most people will not keep trying the same tactics if they are not getting the results they want out of you.

There is one piece of advice that you must consider carefully. When your partner says they need to talk don’t do the “guy thing.” The “guy thing” is the rolling eyes, the crossed arms and the dread of a meaningful discussion. We need to be able to express ourselves and to touch base with you. Just like pulling off a band-aid, just do it. You will likely find that taking 15 minutes to honestly discuss your relationship or any issues of concern will make your whole week a lot better.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere are Signs

If you are reading this and you are unsure that you can commit to a new style of behavior you may not be ready for marriage. If you are not able to accept that women are different and that we have different needs you may not be ready for marriage. If she refuses to understand your differences then she may not be ready to be your partner.

If you are reading this, then you may be wondering if you should get married. Deep down you probably know the answer. Sometimes we know these things but we don’t like the answer we are giving ourselves. The good news is that there are signs all around you that can point you in the right direction.

Are you fully familiar with your potential partner’s financial philosophy? Are they curious about you? Do they dig deep to understand you and your background? Do they have a significant support system, friends or family? Understanding who it is your marrying is something that can not be emphasized enough. While its true that you will constantly discover new things about your spouse, there are things you must know well before you walk down the aisle.

It is imperative that you are on the same page as your potential mate concerning your future financial goals. Outside of negotiating your finances, it is still necessary that your financial plan is somewhat compatible. If your goal is to save, save, save for travel while your spouse is focused on buying a home and paying it off, there is a disconnect. This doesn’t mean you are not compatible. It only means that a significant amount of time must be spent negotiating and discussing which direction you’re going to head. Are you both willing to give a little to find a path that you can feel good about together as a couple?

Curiosity is an important sign that your partner is into you. When you are in love with someone you want to know all there is to know about them. You want to understand how and why they are who they are. Are they a Republican or Democrat? Why? If your potential mate shows no interest in knowing you this deeply, it may be a sign that they are not ready for marriage. It is a very promising sign to have a partner that asks you about your life before them. They should want to know everything there is to know about you. A healthy curiosity is a good sign that someone is trying to get to truly know you.

You can tell a lot about a person by getting to know their friends and family. If your mate has all party friends and is having a hard time letting that world go, it’s an important sign that they are not ready for marriage. This is not to blame people for who their friends are, only to gauge their progress in letting go of some of the less-than-conducive-to-marriage habits of single life. Now, everyone needs to get out without their partner and spend time with friends, but there is a line and you will know if they are crossing it. Again, setting healthy boundaries and negotiating can lead to improvement in this aspect of your relationship. When a potential spouse doesn’t see the problem with partying with their single friends four nights a week, they are probably not mature enough to handle married life. If your mate is close to their parents but again, not overboard, that is a good sign. If mom still does their laundry and they are 30…not such a good sign.

The point of this exercise is to get you thinking about the signs you may have picked up on but ignored. It will never do you any good to pretend the signs aren’t pointing one way. If they are not pointing down the aisle but out the church door, maybe you should heed the warnings.

Tags: before you get married checklist, what to consider before marriage

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