Determine if Your Relationship is Healthy Enough for Marriage

Are You Arguing Effectively?

Healthy arguing is crucial for building a strong marriage. Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, and if done correctly, can result in positive changes and communication building. In order to argue healthy, both parties must contribute equally, and in a calm and controlled manner. It is imperative that everyone involved feels as though they have been heard, and that their concerns have been addressed. An argument should never be left unresolved, even if it means agreeing to disagree if it has been determined that a common ground cannot be met. Failing to execute conflict resolution properly will result in hostility and resentment in one or both parties, and will therefore drive a wedge between the couple.

If you and your partner are arguing healthy, you will both feel a sense of satisfaction after the discussion has come to an end. If either party feels as though they have given more than they have received, and does not feel as though the argument has benefited them in any way, then animosity will set in. The bitterness created will embed itself deep in the mind of the dissatisfied party and, inevitably, will cause the same issue to arise time and time again; likely until it has either been resolved, or it has destroyed the relationship.

How to Argue Healthy

There are a few key components that should always be present while engaging in an argument. These are essential in order to ensure that the end result will reflect positively on your relationship and progress the level of communication. Incorporating these six steps will help both you and your partner feel as though you’ve been heard and understood, making the conflict and it’s resolution a success.

1. Avoid placing blame by being conscious of the words you are using. Say how you feel about what happened as opposed to explaining why what they did was wrong.
2. Take turns speaking. Address your concerns, and then pause to allow your spouse time to do the same without interruption.
3. Listen to what they are saying with open ears and an open mind. Chances are they have a different view of the scenario that you didn’t consider.
4. Discuss possible solutions that cover concerns presented by both sides.
5. Come to an agreement on a resolution that will satisfy both of you and prevent the same issue from coming up again. It is important that both parties comply with the decided solution, so make sure that it is clear, without discrepancy.
6. A few days or weeks later, address the progress you’ve experienced as a couple that is a direct result of the argument. Be sure to take notice if your partner has complied with the decision that was made, and let them know that you appreciate their compromise.

Fulfilling Your Partners Needs

When involved in a partnership, it is important that both persons feel their needs are being met. As each individual has their own unique desires, it is best to set some time aside to discuss one another’s expectations. Just as it is the responsibility of your spouse to fulfill your wants, it is your responsibility to make them known.

Being in a healthy, loving relationship is hard work, and is not something to be taken in stride. Listen to your partner’s desires, and execute the necessary steps to ensure that they are being met in every way possible. Making an effort to create a sense of fulfillment for your spouse shows them that you truly care. That, alone, has the potential to make a world of difference.

Marriage: What No One Will Ever Tell You

This article may seem depressing at first, but it’s actually filled with good news. There are some truths about marriage that no one seems to want to discuss with a happily engaged couple. I am not one of those people. I will tell you the dirty truth of marriage, but like a fairy tale, it comes with a happy ending.

Marriage is a roller coaster ride. There are periods of highs and lows. There are loops that toss you upside down, sometimes twice in a row. Occasionally, the whole situation leaves you feeling a bit nauseous. It’s fun and scary and sometimes you feel as if you are holding on for dear life. And other times, you whiz by the operator and scream “Stop the ride, I want off.” Now, you would think after this description that no one would ever be ready for that, but here’s the key to the first secret.

The highs are unlike the best ride yet invented. The feelings that overtake you when that rush of love hits are better than any pill. When you lie in bed at night and stare at that face next to you, wishing silently that you could crawl inside them so you could finally feel close enough — you ache to be so close for a moment that even being wrapped in their arms doesn’t feel close enough. These precious moments — when your spouse is away on a trip and you see them walking toward you as they return, both talking at once, hugging and kissing like that weekend away was a whole year, the belly laughs that only the two of you can share, laughing and unable to look at the other or it will start all over — carry us through.

The price you pay for these highs are the lows and the loops. Being ready for them does make it any easier. These lows I speak of aren’t the normal challenges of life you may imagine. It’s those scary moments when you feel close and your partner feels far away. In the course of a relationship any couple has these periods of time. The longer you are together and the happier you are together makes these lows seem easier after a while. You give them their space and hope for the best. You stand by until they find their way back. It is normal and healthy to disconnect for a short time and remember yourself. It is up to you to judge how long is healthy and how much space to give. Hopefully you know your partner well enough to determine this. In the end, those loops tend to happen so fast that they are over before you know it and you come out stronger on the other side.

In actuality, a successful marriage can be a positive roller coaster. If you had highs with no lows how would you ever know how sweet the highs are. The beauty of marriage is the best friend and the person you love most in the world holds your hand for most of the ride. Marriage can be scary, but it is certain to create the greatest intimacy you will ever feel in your life. It is so worthwhile if you have the right partner next to you. There is never any shame in admitting you are not ready to get on the ride just yet. Honesty with yourself will make you a better person and partner.

Tags: conflict resolution, healthy arguing, strong relationship

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