Handling Relationship Changes When You Incorporate Children
Married with Children
If you are engaged to be married to your children’s father, then chances are you’re probably pretty familiar with your fiancee. Having a child together is an intensely emotional experience and can bring you closer together. It is vitally important that you ask yourself one question. Am I marrying him/her because of the child/children?
While it’s honorable to parent your children together, it is a myth that getting married for the kids is always the right thing to do. Throughout life we all know the couple or couples that stay together for the kids. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Imagine a world where couples stay together based only on the situation on the ground; the actual state of the relationship. You do children no favors when you stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. Children absorb everything around them and they learn by watching your example.
In a world where abuse and unhappiness are too prevalent, show your daughter and son how to change that in their own life. You would never want them to marry someone for the wrong reason. Teach them to take control of their life by working hard at all relationships and if something isn’t working show them how to change their circumstances. For example, not enough value is placed on teaching little girls that they can leave relationships that can’t work, that will never work. Maybe that is why so many women stay in unhappy relationships or even marry someone they know will not bring them maximal happiness.
We can’t tell you whether or not to marry your kids father. We can only promise you that a wedding will not change your relationship. Yes, the honeymoon period is nice, but every problem will wait for you. Life will return to normal and all the same pressures and responsibilities will exist. If you didn’t handle them well prior to marriage it will not change because you’re both wearing a ring.
The bottom line here is that your kids are too important to pretend you are marrying their parent for their sake. That decision needs to be solely about your compatibility and how well the two of you handle the challenges of parenthood and marriage. If it works out and your kids get both their parents living under the same roof, great! If not, you should work towards the healthiest co-parenting relationship you can devise. In the long run you and your kids will be better off.
Family Planning | Marriageon 17 Sep 2008 at 10:44 pm 1[...] the same. Don’t be surprised if they need some time to think it over. Not everyone dreams of having children, they come to it a bit later in life. Your potential spouse may not have ever really given the [...]