Should You Get Counseling Before Marriage?
So, you’re engaged. Congratulations and best wishes.
Determining if Counseling is Right for You
What if I told you that you could vastly improve your chances of marital success by investing minimal time with premarital counseling? Counseling prior to marriage eliminates many of the sometimes unpleasant surprises that pop up when two dynamic personalities merge into one. Your only real question should be whether you seek counseling from clergy or a professional.
Only you can answer that question for yourself. For most people, clergy is a less expensive option and can be just as rewarding. If you know a priest, rabbi or church elder that you would be comfortable being completely honest with and whose opinion you trust, it may be the right path for you. My one concern with the clergy option is the sex issue. Sex is a vital part of a healthy relationship and the thought of getting down and dirty on the issue with a priest makes one feel uncomfortable just thinking of it. However, you may feel differently.
Professional premarital counseling brings you into a clinical atmosphere where no topic is out of bounds. You also get the benefit of a highly educated professional who can assess your relationship and communication strategies.
If you are nearing your wedding date and feeling very uneasy about your readiness for marriage, you may benefit more in a clinical setting where individual counseling may be recommended. This is not a sign of mental weakness. It’s simply a professional opinion, helping you deal with your personal issues so they don’t play out negatively in your married life.
Let’s face it. We all walk into a marriage with a past. Every one’s past includes insecurities, failures, successes and issues. Depending on your childhood you could be harboring abandonment issues or infidelity insecurities. This doesn’t mean anything except that you are perfectly normal, but you can deal with these things outside of your relationship. Premarital counseling can be an ideal time to gauge if you are ready for marriage. You have to be prepared to accept the answer you arrive at even if it means postponing your nuptials.
For most premarital counseling participants, you will find that you are normal and need only communicate about your past so that your spouse understands you better. Your partner may not understand why you react harshly to certain situations. Once they know the narrative behind it, it makes it easier to react. Premarital counseling is the first step to showing a healthy respect for all the difficulties you will face in a marriage.
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